You made me cry and you don't even care
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
