I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
