u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
