Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
