Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish there were birth control emojis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
