Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
