frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
