i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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