Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
