its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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