Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
