I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
