I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
