I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
