Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
