I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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