I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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