Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
