ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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