Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
