I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
