hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
