Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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