Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
