why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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