rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
