I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
