Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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