conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
