Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
