anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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