And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
