What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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