just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No more Irish car bombs ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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