You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
