i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
