She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
