standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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