So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
