How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
