I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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