Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
MIDGETS
????
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
