Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
