How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
