god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
