two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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