After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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