it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
