just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
