Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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