turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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